2.21.2016

focus on the good stuff

(via instagram)

easier said than done, right?

some days go by in a flash without any moments that drag me down, but other days are impossible. I'm missing loved ones more than usual lately & there are days I can barely hold it together and the tears just won't stay inside. I know I wear my emotions on my face but I hate everything about verbally talking about my feelings. I struggle with how it's super awkward and uncomfortable and do people really care? blahhh - sometimes I just want to scream and other times I'd like to crawl back in bed and come out in a few months... if someone asks how I'm doing there's a built in reflex that's makes me say 'I'm fine' or 'I'm okay' even when all I want to say is 'at this moment I'm dying inside'.

that's the thing about grief - it's so incredibly unpredictable. but it's also the main reason I always try to focus on the good stuff. and don't get me wrong - I'm really good at complaining about things that bug me or stress me out haha but when it really boils down to it I know there is so much good everywhere I look - even through the fog of grief. 

my babies are growing - happy & healthy. my husband loves me - faults and all. I have people I can count on no matter the time, distance or reason. and I've got heaven on my side.

just know - if you're all scatterbrained or full of grief one minute and totally pulled together and smiling the next - you're not alone. I'm right there with you and know that you're 'okay' but not really all at the same time. 

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