'the room no one goes in'

this is kinda super random and personal - verging on embarrassing but i know someone else might be out there dealing with this or something similar and maybe they'll somehow stumble upon this post.. 

so you know how you have a drawer in your kitchen that's called 'the junk drawer' ( i mean.. we can't be the only ones haha) it's just a catch all drawer that has the odds and ends of daily life thrown in it like pens, take out menus, batteries, small tools, hair ties - just a mish-mosh of all the things that you may sporadically need at a moments notice or it's just on the counter and it's easier to throw it in there than find a place for it.. well.. we have that drawer in our kitchen and for way too long we had a room like that too...

when we first moved in - it was my 'craft room'. a place for me to keep my collection of all things craft and basically things only i would ever need or look for.. let's be honest - cy wouldn't know what to do with a sewing machine or silhouette cameo! it's our spare bedroom that also could have been a 'guest room' but since i have an overabundance of coloring supplies and we rarely get guests it was a no brainer. but then this happened.. i had the room all nice and set up when we first moved in but didn't think about the storage unit that we still hadn't unpacked and all of the insanely random boxes of stuff i was going to be inheriting from my mother because you know.. i learned my 'memory keeping ways' from her.. needless to say this room got ugly and that's putting it nicely.

no joke - the kids started calling it the room no one goes in because that's exactly what it was - the door remained locked at all times. just opening the door became extremely overwhelming for me. i would only come in here when i needed something and had a pretty good idea of where it could be. one time i thought it would be a great idea to empty all the boxes all at once to see what i was dealing with.. yeah - that wasn't a great idea. then i just had a room full of a lot of things and no boxes to hide the crazy. whenever i felt up to it i would head down to the room no one goes in and try to sort through things. most days i found myself in tears..

not only was i overwhelmed by the insanity that was overtaking what used to be such a happy place but the boxes from my mom's house were just too much to go through. i clearly remember a day i was sitting on the ground going through a pile of what felt like a million and a half pictures from when my mom and dad were dating. i obviously always knew they had a life before i came along and at first the pictures were funny but the realization that i would never be able to ask either of them about any of it anymore became too much for me and i lost it - like full on ugly cry/hyperventilation. so i closed the door and didn't go back in for long while.. my dad died when i was 10 so seeing pictures of him is what two thirds of my life has consisted of. my mom was my best friend - the person i talked to every single day and she died in 2013 but it feels like yesterday. i still want to call her when the big things are happening. she's the person i want to be on the phone with when i'm going through all these boxes. i would give her a play by play of what i was unpacking.. i'm still mixed up in the grieving process somewhere.. but to put this situation simply - it was easier to keep the door closed.

not sure what came over me but it's clean. the room isn't by any stretch of the imagination a dream craft room that you would see on pinterest or anything like that - but it's a space where we can be creative and smile instead of drown in sadness and stress. it took a solid 3 days of effort so you can only imagine what the rest of my house looked like when i was done haha. it still has things to go through and organizing to be done but i am typing this very post at my desk in the room no one goes in!

i so wish i would have taken some 'before' pictures but that was the last thing on my mind - i honestly never thought it would get to a place of being usable that the idea of taking an 'after' picture was not even a tiny possibility. when i started to realize that maybe just maybe i was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel i started to take some progress photos and send them to cy during the day haha..

this process wasn't about perfection it was about dealing with things that seemed huge but ended up not being as big as i was making them out to be in my head. emotions have a funny way of getting out of control and they can suck you down a dark path if you let them. 

since i think every blog post should have pictures i will share with you my poor quality phone pictures.. i think i started taking them toward the middle-ish of day two..

above are some of the progress pictures that i can't believe i'm actually posting haha
(insert big eye emoji)

below are pictures of the room today - like i said earlier.. it's not perfection or 'pinterest worthy' but it's progress and a happy place once again!
(insert praise hands with heart eyes and happy face emojis)

now hopefully i can get back to creating & maybe even open up shop again!!
oh and this room definitely needs a new name..

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